I am an alienated child, I am sure of myself and the world that I live in, I know what is true and what is not and I have been told many stories about you from the past as well as the present. When you try to tell me that what I believe is wrong I know that this is confirmation of everything they say about you, you are tricking me, you are trying to control me, you are dangerous to me and those who love me.
I am an alienated child, I am self righteous and indignant if anyone dares to suggest that what I know to be true is wrong. I will not listen to you or to anyone who tries to stand up for you, I will cut out of my life in a second the people who do not agree with my point of view.
I am an alienated child, I have silenced half of my genetic heritage which I deny, despise and demolish in confident attacks on that part of me that I have severed from my consciousness. What ‘they’ tell me is absorbed as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I believe without question all of the things that they tell me you are.
I am an alienated child, I am sometimes aware of a terror which beats its wings deep down inside of me. This terror comes when my external reality does not match my internal belief system. When it comes I become aggressive and out of control, I need to get away from you quickly. I find myself making things up to get away from you. Sometimes I tell others that you have hurt me and frightened me, even though I know, deep down inside, that this not true.
I am an alienated child sometimes I am lonelier than I believe it is possible to be but I hide from that by surrounding myself with people who reflect back to me my own reality. Even then, sometimes, I miss you and wonder why I have to keep on behaving this way.
I am an alienated older child, at times the cognitive dissonance screams so loudly in my ears that I have to cover them up or hide from the reality that I see right in front of me. I have grown to a place where I can see the things that have been done to me are wrong but still I do not have the courage to put them right, I do not feel big enough yet to face ‘them’ but I know who they are.
I am an alienated adult child, I am starting to realise that whatever ‘they’ say about the parent I have been forced to reject, he is still MY father. I am starting to understand that mothers and fathers are not divided into all perfect and all bad, I am starting to realise that the step parent who was forced into the place of MY father is not MY father.
I am an alienated adult child and the parts of myself that were pushed into the shadows are starting to come into the light.
One day I look in the mirror and I see my father’s face, my grandfather’s eyes, my great grandfather’s smile. That half of myself that I cut off and threw away is emerging before my eyes.
The man in me, so long silenced, is ready. My father, the other half of my genetic self is too.
Love knows no boundaries, no time zones, no limits.
And it brooks no interference either, when an alienated child emerges with his wings.