A Retreat For Alienated Mothers – Somerset UK – June 2018

Lucy, I am letting your comment through because it is not offensive though you make some pretty breath taking statements without any evidence to back them up whatsoever. I have a bit of time today however so I am willing to tackle your comment, I am however, not going to allow this comment thread to become a place where women who claim alienation is not real dominate. The retreat, which is for mothers who HAVE been abused, (interestingly so many of these women are simply ignored by the women’s rights movement even though they fit the picture of coercive control perfectly) is a place where mothers can find peace from being judged and support to work on their personal case. These women have been harmed by the alienating fathers in their case, they are healthy mothers who have been forced out of their children’s lives. I do not know what is so offensive about helping mothers in such circumstances, other than presumably, those of you who believe that PA does not exist, think these women are making it all up.

Grown up children who were alienated by their unwell mothers and not listened to by the state’s servants are also coming forward, they too have a story to tell, will you listen to their story too or is the only story women like your group will listen to, the story that sounds like yours?

I disagree that the dynamics of DV are not understood by the court, what qualification do you have to back that assertion? DV is understood and worked with and PA is often disregarded and not worked with, so quite how you come to an analysis that women are disadvantaged in this process I don’t know. The only women I see being disadvantaged are those who are truly abused by alienating fathers.

There is clear research evidence which points to false allegations and alienation, you can find all of this readily, it is not difficult. There is a pattern of behaviour which is key to understanding it. It is regularly seen when women claim that a father is abusive and there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever to show that he is. This can happen in waves for years, the perpetrator of false allegations being utterly convinced to a delusional level that the father is harmful. The children locked into a delusion with the mother that this is true. There are clear behavioural patterns which are seen in mother and child when this occurs and it is well evidenced in the mental health literature and used by the psychologists and psychiatrists who assess such mothers.

As for rare false allegations of DV, I would again point you to evidence – here is such a study

Click to access False%20allegation%20paper%202%20October%202017.pdf

And here is the conclusion….

“The data set out in this article indicates that the majority of purported false accusations were by females against males who were family members or intimates concerning child
149 A Chi-Sq test for independence indicated a significant association between the gender of the accused and the stage that they contacted the organisation, X2 (48, n = 701) = 116.7, p = .00, Cramers V = .20.
150 A Chi-Sq test for independence indicated a significant association between the type of wrongdoing accused of and the stage that organisation was contacted, X2 (108, n = 701) = 413.9, p = .00, Cramers V = .26.
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abuse/neglect and sexual offences (child sexual abuse, rape, indecent and sexual assault) with the majority of those accused seeking support and advice at the point of accusation.151 The prominence of purported false allegations within the family environment and intimate relationships may reflect interpersonal dynamics, along with the opportunity to falsely accuse. Reaching out for support at the point of accusation suggests that those who purport to be falsely accused experience accusation as a challenging life event for which they need support and advice. Indeed, evidence suggests that the immediate impact of being accused involves ‘falling into a state of shock, experiencing nausea and nervousness, and feeling “stunned” and “surreal”, as if being in “a bad dream”’.152 Assuming similar responses in this study sample, it is unsurprising that so many participants made contact and did so at the point of accusation. The point of contact data also suggested that many of the allegations involved formal investigation or some form of legal proceedings.”

We could play research tennis for a while, you using your preferred research and me using mine but I feel that would lead us nowhere.

The point is you stand in a particular place and view the world through a lens which fits your comfort zone.

I stand in your place and all of the other places to get a 360 degree view and then I stand in the child’s place to get their 360 degree view.

I understand that you project all of your beliefs upon me that I must be a very bad person in order to do this work but that is your responsibility not mine. My responsibility is to make sure that everything I do is scrutinised before the court, anything I write is cross examined and any decision which is made is made by the Judge not by me. This area of work, this field of knowledge is growing and no longer is it acceptable for children to be inveigled into a parent’s mindset or used to soothe the parent’s delusional belief. Everything which is done in pursuit of making sure that children are safe, is done properly and with the child in mind. Just because it does not coincide with how you and others in your mindset believe the world is, doesn’t mean it is wrong, far from it. Now, I have responded to your comment and I hope that is enough. You have plenty of other places to do your talking, here is for parents who really have been abused and who are hurting and coping with the loss of their child because of it. Go well.

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