Karen Woodall – Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer

I am back in the UK where, this weekend, I forced myself to watch Ed Thomas’s programme ‘Mums on the Run, Failed by The Family Courts. Having watched about ten minutes, it became clear that it was simply following the pattern of so many similar reports that have gone before. Like a well worn script from a soap opera, the line by line repetition of the women’s rights narrative, appears to have been accepted uncritically by BBC Special Reporter, Ed Thomas.

Initially, the programme held a weird sort of fascination, not because of the content, but because of the apparent absence of curiosity about the origin of these stories from the programme makers. I had imagined that a special reporter would want to thoroughly investigate such troubling stories, particularly when the mothers he had been talking to have abducted their children. I was, therefore, unsure why the programme did not seek a much wider perspective, for example by speaking with the children’s fathers (who were portrayed uncritically, and without exception, as monstrous), or speaking with professionals who work with such families. I wondered why he did not want to hear from social workers, solicitors, barristers and judges who are tasked with managing such cases or from organisations like Reunite or Missing Children Europe, who work with the consequences of child abduction.

The apparent absence of any curiosity, plus the repetitive, alarmist narrative which is so typical in this arena, left the reporter looking like a man who had been successfully triangulated into an ongoing campaign to hide the reality of this form of child abuse and the appalling harm it does to children’s healthy development.

Hopeful that he may be interested in hearing other perspectives on this story, and the evidence of what happens to many children of divorce and separation, I wrote to Ed Thomas on Monday of last week. I invited him to meet with some of the emotionally and psychologically abused children I have worked with over the past decade, who are now over the age of 18, to hear directly from them about the harm they have suffered at the hands of their parents (both mothers and fathers) and how protection from that parent (aka residence transfer), brought healing to their lives. I also invited him to meet with some of the mothers I work with whose children are rejecting them in the face of coercively controlling fathers; mothers whose children reject them vehemently and who express terror and fear of them, even though they have not done anything to warrant such a reaction.

Ed Thomas initially responded expressing an interest in the case studies I was offering. On Wednesday therefore, I replied, asking him (amongst other things) to confirm that he had, in fact, seen evidence of the conviction of a child rapist; a man who campaigners claim (and he had reported), a child was sent to live with by the Family Court. I explained that, If this claim is true, then it is, indeed, a serious and deeply concerning matter. Ed didn’t reply to my email and I haven’t heard from him since.

Perhaps Ed is too busy to confirm he has seen the conviction. Perhaps he is not interested in hearing the lived experiences of children, or mothers and fathers whose children have been abducted. Perhaps he is simply an unwitting victim of a campaign that is based on assertion and allegation, a campaign which is attempting to silence the lived experience of children of divorce and separation by binding their needs and wellbeing into the rights of mothers. Mothers who in some cases have been found in Court to have harmed their children, in others, mothers who have murdered their child.

At the end of last week, the real purpose of this triangulation made itself apparent with the release, by several of the well known women’s rights campaign groups, of their demands which are –

a) ban all use of the label ‘parental alienation’

b) ban anyone who works with the issue of alienation of children (regulated or otherwise)

c) an immediate cessation of removal of children from parents who cause harm (residence transfer)

d) have everyone working in the family courts trained in domestic abuse

These demands, campaigners say, are in pursuit of overhauling the family courts to stop what they are calling ‘the pro-contact’ culture.

Every campaign has to have campaign aims and in the light of the ideological framework they are set in, these demands are understandable even if I disagree with them and even if the first one (to ban the use of the label parental alienation) is a little behind the times given the President’s recent guidance.

The demand for an immediate cessation of removal of children from parents who cause harm (residence transfer) and a review of all past residence transfers (presumably including those where mothers have been found to have used coercive control against children and fathers), is the logical outcome of a group of campaigners who do not recognise the authority of the Judiciary and by virtue of that, the law of the land, and a belief system which does not accept anything or anyone who goes against it.

This recent campaign strategy, which seeks to portray child abduction as a necessary consequence of a family court system that they say is not fit for purpose is very concerning. Resting upon the testimony of mothers who have abducted their children and alarmist claims that convicted child rapists are being given custody of children (claims which are yet to be verified by anyone including Ed Thomas), and relying upon the confidentiality rules which govern the Family Court to enable hearsay to be put forward as evidence, this campaign asks the public to believe that something untoward is happening in the Family Courts in England and Wales.

The use of mothers who have abducted their children to Northern Cyprus, who say they been subjected to domestic abuse, is to (presumably) persuade the public of the need for a radical rethink of the Family Courts and yet all we have is the say so of a handful of women who have abducted their children. The real-world problem this campaign faces, therefore, is that there is no evidence, there are no findings, there are no judgments and no convictions and so there is no way of testing the veracity of what is being presented. Which means that the campaign is in real terms, asking the public to believe without question, women who have abducted their children, who have Interpol Red Notices attached to their names, individuals who are considered in law, to be criminals.

Real world management of such matters relies upon evidence to determine facts not the say so of those who abduct children and the law as it currently stands does too. This binary, manufactured fight over domestic abuse and ‘parental alienation’, is therefore simply a distraction from the reality of what is happening to children of divorce and separation and it is seeking to hide the harm which is caused when children are triangulated into adult matters. If anything untoward has been happening in the Family Courts in England and Wales (as in so many countries around the world for many decades), it is that the suffering of children at the hands of their mothers and fathers in divorce and separation, is not well enough understood.

Even in a legal system which relies heavily upon the voice of the child, the authentic voices of children are often ignored in favour of those which mirror the views of their parents. This is unfortunate because in fact, everything which is needed to help children of divorce and separation exists in the psychological literature both historical and contemporary. The trauma literature explains the problem of children’s alignment and rejection extraordinarily well and it also gives clear directions on treatment. In Ed Thomas’s programme for example, a now teenage son says that, having been abducted to Northern Cyprus, he is safe from stress, this is accepted without question by the programme makers and yet the trauma literature demonstrates that children of all ages, will seek to regulate a parent by mirroring what they know is necessary in order to keep themselves safe in the care of a parent who feels frightening or out of control.

The fight in the UK about ‘parental alienation’ as a label or a theory, is quite simply a red herring and this programme swallows it whole. The court system, at least in England and Wales, is not focused upon parental alienation as a label, it is focused upon whether a child is being emotionally or psychologically harmed and whether their best interests are being compromised because of that. Which is decided by Judges who weigh the evidence, not the say so of campaigners. And so, whilst this fight continues over the rights of mothers, the needs of children, for relational continuity, for good enough parenting, for the presence of those upon whom they rely for healthy development, are once again overshadowed by adult demands.

The campaign launched last week, which appears to have triangulated the makers of this programme, is, as part of a longer term strategy, designed to distract attention from the real issue, which is that mothers as well as fathers manipulate their children in divorce and separation and mothers as well as fathers cause their children harm. In the midst of this, children of divorce and separation are being bound and gagged again, by an ideology which has no place in child protection and which seeks to overturn legal systems because its proponents believe that they know better than every authority in the land.

In the shadow of this latest eruption of what turned out to be another round of hearsay, the work to articulate the experience of children of divorce and separation and to hear their authentic voices and meet their needs, continues.

NB I end this post with a quote from Missing Children Europe a non partisan, pan European Child Welfare Organisation –

“The arbitrary removal or retention of a child abroad is not only a violation of the other parent’s custody rights, it is first and foremost a violation of the child’s rights….“

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Family Separation Clinic News

The Clinic opens again this week although we will be delivering training in Europe for much of September and October and will have limited capacity for coaching appointments as a result. If you are seeking a consultation with me, please email appts@familyseparationclinic.co.uk to be added to the waiting list.

Court Instruction

We continue to offer treatment in cases which have been Judged in the High Court of England and Wales, Republic of Ireland and Hong Kong as involving children who have been emotionally or psychologically harmed by a parent. If you are seeking to instruct please email office@familyseparationclinic.co.uk, please bear in mind we have a waiting list of around 6-12 months and thus may not be the best service for your family.

Please note that we DO NOT provide assessment psychological or otherwise, as Psychotherapists, we deliver Clinical Trials post Fact Finding to determine whether a family can respond to therapeutic input.

Courses and Resources

Please note a full programme of courses and resources will be announced later this week and all will be available to book immediately.

Holding up a Healthy Mirror

Holding up a Healthy Mirror – UK/Europe/USA

Our next live delivery for HUAHM begins on 2nd October at 6pm UK time and runs for four weeks. Bookings are open now at this link.

Holding up a Healthy Mirror – UK/Europe/Australia/New Zealand

I will be running HUAHM for parents in Australia and New Zealand with the option for UK and Europe parents to join on four consecutive days – 13/14/15/16 November at 9am UK time and bookings will open this week.

Therapeutic Parenting for Alienated Children (TPAC)

Designed for those who have undertaken HUAHM, this course is an intensive depth exploration of trauma responsive strategies for helping alienated children to heal from the harms they have suffered. Building on the introduction to mentalisation skills which are used in HUAHM, this course repairs the reactive splitting suffered by parents in the rejected position and enables the use of a range of skills to assist children in reconnection and repair of the internalised schisms which are caused by self alienation and alienation from loved ones in divorce and separation.

In order to undertake this course you must complete HUAHM first.

TPAC for UK/Europe and USA

This course will be delivered live in November

TPAC for Australia/New Zealand/UK/Europe

This course will be delivered live in November

Watch on Demand

Our watch on demand courses are in development and will soon be available, due to the extensive content, the production of these is taking longer than planned and so we are delivering live again this autumn so that you do not have to wait to join.

Therapeutic Parenting Intensives

USA – California – March 2024

UK – South East Coast – July 2024

Europe – Switzerland – September 2024

Australia/New Zealand – 2025

Listening Circles

To be announced shortly.