Karen Woodall – Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer

“Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance.” Viktor E Frankl

Claire Cox was a successful broadcaster, a brilliant horsewoman, a snowboarding queen, a cold-water swimmer, a loving mum to her two children, a lion-hearted friend to many, and the great love of Tom’s life (as he was for her). Her life as a mother to her two children was spent trying to deal with the impact of a trans-generational trauma pattern which caused ruptures in her deeply loving bond with her children, a pattern which continued, even to her death on 3rd September 2025.

There are people who enter our work for a short time, yet leave a life-changing imprint, Claire Cox was one of those people. Claire was warm, bright, and quietly fierce, she joined our mothers group and our Lighthouse Keeping Group carrying a history that was not hers alone but layered with inherited wounds that had shaped generations of her family. Whilst others struggle with these entanglements, Claire saw them with great clarity and a determination to untangle what was not hers so that she and her children could live free from them.

From the very beginning of her work with us, Claire stood out. Not because she spoke the loudest, but because she saw the truth of the harm being caused by the dynamics that forced her to be a mother in the rejected position so clearly. She had a sharpness of mind that cut through the confusion that relational entanglements create, like light through a thicket. When she spoke, you could feel her mind moving as she set about making connections, following threads backwards into history and forwards into her future to clear a path for her daughters. A future that, for her, ended far too soon with her death in September this year.

Working with Claire, it became clear that her family history was not just a backdrop. It was an active force which shaped beliefs, relationships, and expectations about what love was allowed to be. Her children, like so many who are alienated were caught in the emotional crosshairs of a lineage which operated on secrets and silences and manipulations across the generations. This is how transgenerational trauma works, it is not as a story we inherit, but a structure we live inside until someone finds the courage to dismantle it.

Claire was that someone.

She saw the patterns: the enmeshment, the unspoken rules, the guilt that seeped through generations, the idea that love must be paid for with loyalty to the pain of the past. And once she saw them, she could not unsee them. She worked tirelessly, not just for behaviour change, not just for court orders or parenting strategies, but for something deeper: the liberation of her children’s inner worlds.

When Claire spoke about her children, she spoke with equal parts ferocity and tenderness. She understood, more than most, that rescuing children from trans-generational trauma is not done in one heroic act. It is done daily, in the small moments where naming truth instead of repeating the family myth and holding boundaries brings stability to chaotic lives. During the time that I worked with her, Claire took those daily steps to find ways to help her children to escape the entangled dynamics woven around her children and she did it with the fierce determination I know, infused her whole self.

Claire’s determination to find a way to overcome the trans-generational trauma patterns in her lineage was interrupted, however, on 3rd September 2024, when she was diagnosed with secondary breast and liver cancer. What followed were months of gruelling rounds of chemotherapy. Working with her through this phase, when she was supporting her treatment with a keto diet and fasting, her optimism and determination to help her children never wavered. She wanted to clear the trauma she had inherited, and she wanted to be well and strong, and she was a force to be reckoned with on both of those fronts.

Unfortunately, the inter-generational trauma of coercion and control, of manipulation of children and of lies spun to defend a family system against the truth that the elders were not able to face, once again overwhelmed Claire and at Christmas last year, she faced again the psychological and emotional tsunami of other people’s un-contained rage and projection. Supporting Claire and Tom through this time felt like trying to keep back a tidal wave of injustice mixed with unprocessed projections belonging to other people, and protecting Claire became the core focus as it became clear how vulnerable she was health-wise.

In May 2025, Claire was diagnosed with cancer which had spread to the brain, necessitating more treatment in the hospital and yet, even during this most vulnerable part of her whole life, the incursions into her peace and quietude continued. Throughout the following months, Claire managed the uncontained projections and behaviours of family members even as she was trying desperately to get well and strong again, her focus always being the right of her children to live in the truth and free from trauma. She fought so hard to live and to protect her children, sadly, in September 2025, a year to the day that she was diagnosed, she died peacefully in St Thomas’s Hospital in London with Tom by her side.

When I think of Claire now, what comes to me is not just her insight, nor her commitment, nor even her courage. It is the quality of her love, which was steady and clear and devoted to her children’s healing. That her determination to clear the trauma path to protect her children continued throughout the challenges she faced, speaks volumes about this woman who lit up our groups like a blazing beacon. It also speaks louder than any words ever could, about the utter horror of alienation of children and the manner in which it can separate the vulnerable child from the protection of a parent who is healthy and well. From Claire I learned about the strength of a mother who lives the life she wants her children to live, a life which is free and authentic and true to herself right until the end.

In clinical work we speak often about the “legacy” a parent leaves when they confront trans-generational trauma. This is not measured in perfect interactions or flawless parenting, It is measured in something quieter, in the emotional pathways a parent clears so that their children do not have to hack through the same psychic undergrowth. Claire spent the time I knew her clearing those pathways. And because of that, her legacy is the strength of the woman who chose to turn and face the darkness rather than pass it on. She leaves behind the imprint of love and life and courage and through that her memory remains as bright as the light she was in the world.

Claire’s love was not solitary. She knew that Tom, her husband, stood beside her in her devotion to her children. She spoke of him often with warmth, gratitude, and trust. They were a team and she knew he is as invested in supporting her children as she was, and she rested in that knowing.

Some people come to us as clients and end up becoming teachers without intending to. Claire was one of them. I only knew Claire for a short time but in the time I did, my work and my life were enriched by her presence. She taught us that clarity is possible even in chaos and that insight can coexist with heartbreak and that courage doesn’t roar but keeps going step by step. Most of all she showed that real love, leaves a trace that cannot be erased by death.

Claire leaves behind more than memories. She leaves an imprint on the people who walked beside her. An imprint of determination, clarity, honesty, and love.

Trans-generational trauma is powerful but it is not invincible when met with a spirit like Claire’s.Her story is a reminder to all of us who work in this field, and to all parents battling forces bigger than themselves, that healing is not only possible, but transmissible across time and place.

Claire had the courage and determination to live free of the repeating pattern of unresolved trauma passing through her family line, which leaves a blue print for her children to follow. This final gift, which will light the path home for her children to return to a true sense of self, is the enduring legacy of her love.

Remembering Claire Cox, who was a loved member of our healing group for  mothers and a member of our Lighthouse Keeping Group. You shone like a beacon Claire, thank you for lighting our lives. We love you and we miss you.