In the Mind of the Alienated Child

In the hidden and darkest places of the alienated child’s mind lie secrets in waiting.

Those hidden and darkest places are unknown to the child but they exist.

A diverticulitis of the psyche, passages leading to places inhabited by demons.

This is why madness grows in the mind of the child and as they grow bigger the vines and the tangles of things they should not be involved in takes hold.

As the mind grows, unconscious of alleyways connecting those things which should be unknown but are not, demons feed from the anxiety created by the packets of poison lying deeply within.

Family secrets.

And lies.

Dirty laundry piled in a corner, blood stained and sticky. Something wrong. Something and someone not in the place where they should be.

Stealing from children their innocence and replacing it with a lifetime’s servitude to an  unknowable shame.

Some days the light shines in through the cracks in the mind and a sensation of living reconnects what is broken.

Most days the blanket of guilt and of shame (for what is unknown) settles heavy and smothers the desire to breathe.

Passages leading to demons.

Some families are places of safety and health, happiness radiates out from the windows and the children have boundaries and live in contentment within them.

Others are riddled with places and phantoms a child should never encounter.

These children are ragged and raddled, anxious and angry, grubby in soul and surviving.

God only knows how.

The children today, carry the sins of the fathers and mothers and their fathers and mothers before them.

How far this theft of a childhood goes back we can never be sure.

But this pattern of demons, handed forward by stealth and by silent acceptance, this looking the other way, (any way other than where the gaze should be), is clear, it is recognised, it lives within families.

And the leprosy left to the souls of the children who are handed this burden, leaves them passing like beggars under the lit windows of life.

These are the children who will transform the landscape of futures.

Uncovering the secrets and lies of the past so that souls of the children coming through are not murdered by demons in waiting.

Vengeance is mine someone said.

Stopping the poison from seeping down veins of the future is all the revenge which is needed.

A gift from the heart. Battered and broken and bruised.

But alive non-the-less and still breathing.

Passages cleaned of the demons, the laundry is washed, it is folded and put neatly away.

All will be well.

All things where they should be.

The ghosts in the nursery have been sent on their way.

The children in future sleep safe in their beds.


  1. Biting through x

    I Ching Hexagram 21 – Shih Ho / Biting Through

    Above Li the Clinging, Fire

    Below Chen the Arousing, Thunder


    This hexagram represents an open mouth hexagram 27 with an obstruction (in the fourth place) between the teeth. As a result the lips cannot meet. To bring them together one must bite energetically through the obstacle. Since the hexagram is made up of the trigrams for thunder and for lightning, it indicates how obstacles are forcibly removed in nature. Energetic biting through overcomes the obstacle that prevents joining of the lips; the storm with its thunder and lightning overcomes the disturbing tension in nature. Recourse to law and penalties overcomes the disturbances of harmonious social life caused by criminals and slanderers. The theme of this hexagram is a criminal lawsuit, in contradistinction to that of Sung, Conflict (6), which refers to civil suits.


    Biting Through has success. It is favorable to let justice be administered.

    Judgement Commentary

    When an obstacle to union arises, energetic biting through brings success. This is true in all situations. Whenever unity cannot be established, the obstruction is due to a talebearer and traitor who is interfering and blocking the way. To prevent permanent injury, vigorous measures must be taken at once. Deliberate obstruction of this sort does not vanish of its own accord. Judgment and punishment are required to deter or obviate it. However, it is important to proceed in the right way. The hexagram combines Li, clarity, and Chen, excitement. Li is yielding, Chen is hard. Unqualified hardness and excitement would be too violent in meting out punishment; unqualified clarity and gentleness would be too weak. The two together create the just measure. It is of moment that the man who makes the decisions (represented by the fifth line) is gentle by nature, while he commands respect by his conduct in his position.

    The Image

    Thunder and lighting: The image of Biting Through. Thus the kings of former times made firm the laws Through clearly defined penalties.

    Image Commentary

    Penalties are the individual applications of the law. The laws specify the penalties. Clarity prevails when mild and severe penalties are differentiated, according to the nature of the crimes. This is symbolized by the clarity of lighting. The law is strengthened by a just application of penalties. This is symbolized by the terror of thunder. This clarity and severity have the effect of instilling respect; it is not that the penalties are ends in themselves. The obstructions in the social life of man increase when there is a lack of clarity in the penal codes and slackness in executing them. The only way to strengthen the law is to make it clear and make penalties certain and swift.

    The Lines

    Nine at the beginning means:
    His feet are fastened in the stocks, So that his toes disappear. No blame.

    If a sentence is imposed the first time a man attempts to do wrong, the penalty is a mild one. Only the toes are put in the stocks. This prevents him from sinning further and thus he becomes free of blame. It is a warning to halt in time on the path of evil.

    Six in the second place means:
    Bites through tender meat, So that his nose disappears. No blame.

    It is easy to discriminate between right and wrong in this case; it is like biting through tender meat. But one encounters a hardened sinner, and, aroused by anger, one goes a little too far. The disappearance of the nose in the course of the bite signifies that indignation blots out finer sensibility. However, there is no great harm in this, because the penalty as such is just.

    Six in the third place means:
    Bites on old dried meat and strikes on something poisonous. Slight humiliation. No blame.

    Punishment is to be carried out by someone who lacks the power and authority to do so. Therefore the culprits do not submit. The matter at issue is an old one as symbolized by salted game and in dealing with it difficulties arise. This old meat is spoiled: by taking up the problem the punisher arouses poisonous hatred against himself, and in this way is put in a somewhat humiliating position. But since punishment was required by the time, he remains free of blame.

    Nine in the fourth place means:
    Bites on dried gristly meat. Receives metal arrows. It furthers one to be mindful of difficulties and to be persevering. Good fortune.

    There are great obstacles to be overcome, powerful opponents are to be punished. Though this is arduous, the effort succeeds. But it is necessary to be hard as metal and straight as an arrow to surmount the difficulties. If one knows these difficulties and remains persevering, he attains good fortune. The difficult task is achieved in the end.

    Six in the fifth place means:
    Bites on dried lean meat. Receives yellow gold. Perseveringly aware of danger. No blame.

    The case to be decided is indeed not easy but perfectly clear. Since we naturally incline to leniency, we must make every effort to be like yellow gold-that is, as true as gold and as impartial as yellow, the color of the middle [the mean]. It is only by remaining conscious of the dangers growing out of the responsibility we have assumed that we can avoid making mistakes.

    Nine at the top means:
    His neck is fastened in the wooden cangue so that his ears disappear. Misfortune.

    In contrast to the first line, this line refers to a man who is incorrigible. His punishment is the wooden cangue, and his ears disappear under it-that is to say, he is deaf to warnings. This obstinacy leads to misfortune.


  2. “The children today, carry the sins of the fathers and mothers and their fathers and mothers before them.

    How far this theft of a childhood goes back we can never be sure.”

    As did the previous generation of children, who are now adults, before this existing batch of children and so on…..and yet who has any empathy for them? The lightbulb of how to be a healthy parent doesn’t just happen if your own experiences of being a child were troubled.

    I refer back to another of your posts “Imprisoned by a Parent’s Mind:a child’s eye view of alienation”(1 sept 2016)…….where you talk about how we learn to be parents/ grandparents from our own parents/ grandparents……. life’s lottery of parenting….. if good we’re quids in, as are our children…..if less desirable we struggle…… nowadays there is a wealth of conflicting ideas on parenting……how difficult it is for someone who grew up without a healthy parental template, to navigate their way as a parent themselves, reliant on parenting gurus…….and yet how little compassion there is for their failures……


  3. Parenting may be a shock for many new parents. Simply the realisation that it is a skill and not a “hand me down” nor a fashion. Good parenting takes empathy and there has been a plethora of research conducted for the purpose of finding out what makes good parenting and what makes bad parenting. Even though we may know what good parenting entails we may be struggling to put whatever conditioning we currently experience to one side so that we can learn the skills and understand the reasons why parenting with empathy is crucial.


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