self help for alienated parents

The Lighthouse Project is my name for the support and services we offer to families which are freee of charge or at low cost. Whilst this project is in the early days of development, I am keen to give as much time to supporting and promoting it as possible.

Whilst I now work in private practice, my roots are in self help and mutual endeavour. Whilst I have always been very cautious about promoting self help within the field of alienation, largely because I have seen the way that online groups can drive people into the most negative behaviours rather than supporting their wellbeing, I know that a group which listens, cares and provides safety, is a valuable resource for alienated parents.

I really pleased therefore, to support one of my blog readers (Erica), to launch a self help group, by sharing with you a questionaire which will help her to understand what mutual need and interest there is out there. Here’s Erica

Ever since I found a name for what has been done to me and my son, about two years ago, I have wanted to find a support group for parents who are enduring the same thing. Of course the details of our stories are different, but the core issues, indignities, and traumas are strikingly similar. No matter how many supportive friends and family members we may have, it is impossible for them to fully grasp what we are going through. Karen’s blog has been so essential in my ongoing healing process, but I still crave the empathy and camaraderie of other like-minded alienated parents. If you are also searching for something similar, please fill out this brief questionnaire and I will be in touch to schedule our first meeting. Questionnaire link
The idea of this group is to support one another in the journey to rebuild our lives after the loss and after the legal battle, and at the same time to keep the focus on our children, even if we do not have any contact with them or if the contact is extremely painful. Two of the main issues I’m struggling with are maintaining healthy (for me) contact with my son as well as self-imposed isolation from friends and family due to extreme shame and guilt. This is just a starting point, but I believe we will find that many of our struggles are shared. 
It is very important to note that this group is expressly NOT a place to vent about our exes or to offer or speculate about any legal advice. The group is open to mothers and fathers and to alienated parents in any part of the world. We are going to focus on creating happy, healthy lives for ourselves and on healthy, loving parenting against all odds. I look forward to hearing from you.


Wishing Erica and everyone who joins with her, success in this project, when parents come together and support each other, life gets just a little bit easier. Self help can change your world.




  1. That’s such good news. I looked for a support group when I became aware of what had happened to us and found the groups to have been overrun by negative and abusive comments about ex-partners and agencies. I withdrew from them.. I’m the mum of 3 alienated teenage daughters. The youngest kept very tenuous contact and for a couple of years I only saw her once. but we had some text contact. My middle daughter made contact with me a few months ago and now i see the two youngest regularly. They both have mental health problems, suffering panic attacks and depression which they’re getting help with. All 3 still live with the alienating parent and my eldest daughter still refuses to acknowledge me, she’s just turned 21. The eldest has recently been diagnosed with BPD and psychological splitting. Hang on in there everyone and keep sending those birthday and Christmas cards etc, Your children will find their way back to you, and when they do, they’ll probably need all the nurturing and supportive parenting you can give them. You’ll need to be your best mum, your best dad, your best self. You’ll get the chance to make them whole again, and you’ll have to put bitterness behind you. We’ve a long way to go but we’ve started healing. Please don’t stop believing. Carol


  2. I think its great and i really want to help other parents as well.
    One thing to keep in mind is the unthinkable CAN happen.
    You get into one of these groups, you develop a bond with some of the other parents. You trust them, you feel safe, you finally open up and share a tough situation with the group. Shortly after you are served court papers with screen shots of the post. The post shared within a group that was so-pose to be a safe place that number 1 rule is Confidentially.
    My alianator had joined the group under a false name and found me. It was horrible. I feel in person groups OR MEETINGS if you will. Like NA or AA may be safer. Because u never know who’s behind the screen name


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