The word, even the most contradictory word, preserves contact – it is silence which isolates Thomas Mann –
29th November – Writing to Your Alienated Child – 19:00-21:00 GMT – Cost £40 per person (family members can join for the cost of one place).
For several generations around the world, children’s relationships in divorce and separation have been reduced to what is called ‘letter box contact’ a restriction which is based upon limited letter writing from parent to child. This limited connection to a parent can cause you to feel as if you are writing into a black hole as month after month, you search for something to say.
What do you say in the face of such disconnection, when you cannot know what your child is feeling, when you cannot share how you are feeling for fear of causing your child to disconnect further or for longer.
During this Listening Circle we will look at ways of writing to your child which enable the deepest connection between you to be held in mind and conveyed to your child, we will consider language and its power and different ways of presenting meaningful words which will connect with the healthy child who is hidden behind the false self.
Listening and Learning Circles are about sharing what works as well as discussing and finding answers to questions, if you have a letter writing style that works, bring it along to share. Together, the pain of letterbox contact can be reduced and managed and I will show you the evidence of how and why you should keep writing, with words from children, now recovered, whose only life line for a time, was the letters they received from a parent they had rejected.
Karen Woodall 
Hi Karen
Can I buy a recording of this session as the timing doesn’t work for me?
Thanks
LikeLike
Hi CG, I don’t sell these recordings as they have people’s confidential information in them – I will do something in the new year for download though. K
LikeLike
Dear Karen,
I worked briefly with Cindy Hirsh from ISNAF who referred me to you.
I am writing from Canada and I must say the way you explain things and advise parents to deal with PA is the most straightforward way I’ve ever encountered. I am also European and I am more used to a more direct way of speaking and going about things.
Anyhow – a couple of things: 1. I was wondering if there are any upcoming workshops about what and how to respond specifically to the child in the various situations: when they project it all on you (“you treated me in a way that damaged me irrevocably and I’m stuck with that for the rest of my life”); when they bring false accusations; when they call you foul names; when they are utterly defiant; when they use the alienator’s beliefs etc. I think most target parents are dying to know the response strategies and the right way to deliver the message in a way that connects them and dispels the myths.
Concrete examples would work best and the more, the better.
Looking or suggesting the right treatment for the child/ or to the child (and young adults), especially in the context of other treatments (for ex, treatment for eating disorder and recommendations for DBT). How to best take the horse (the young adult) to the water (the right treatment) and influence them to actually drink it? Every therapy with the child has been sabotaged, as the child has been coached to regurgitate the same poison as the AP.
Hope you get this and hope to hear back one way or the other.
All the best,
Camelia Toronto, Canada
LikeLike
I have a very long background story that I’m going to try to simplify to keep it shorter. My ex husband has always had custody, we agreed it was best for everyone because he was keeping the farm which meant the kids (age 2 and 4) would be home all day and not in daycare. He remarried within a month of our divorce and since then all my communications have been with only her, I haven’t talked to him in 13 years. His wife has successfully managed to keep me out of my children’s lives for almost 9 years. I was told lies about my kids having medical conditions that would get much worse after visiting me, meanwhile the kids were also constantly fed lies about me that caused them to believe I was a very bad person. My children were very vocal about their dislike of me and everything about my life, they genuinely hated visiting or phone calls with me. I was manipulated into staying away, I was lead to believe I was the reason they were in constant physical and emotional pain and regularly reassured throughout the years that my absence made their lives much better. I’ve tried reaching out to my son (18) and daughter (15) through social media multiple times in the last few years with hope that something could change, but I was always rejected until September this year. My daughter decided to give me a chance because she wanted some answers and we’ve since stayed mostly in communication. My heart broke to hear her tell me it was ALL a big lie and that she feels very unloved and unwanted. Her stepmom grounded her and took her phone for a month (and she’s still currently grounded) after finding out she accepted my friend request. I’m quickly realizing that my daughter is dealing with an overwhelming amount of anxiety, depression, and stress and is very insecure about herself and all of her relationships. I know we need to find help, but I don’t know how or where to start. I have always regretted the huge mistake I made by not continuing to fight for my parental rights and now I see the impact of my absence. I can’t let my daughter keep going without getting the help she desperately needs. They live over 3 hours away from me, which means I can’t get to her quickly if she needs me. I’ve been trying to find a therapist or some kind of professional to help us, especially her. They live in a remote area that doesn’t have many options within 60 miles and the few I could find are for medication for treatment of ADHD and a few other disorders. I haven’t given her too many details on why I wasn’t around and try to keep our talks focused on the future. So far her dad and stepmom do not know we communicate. I am trying to respect her wishes that I not visit or call, because she’s afraid how her stepmom will react. I can tell she’s really struggling and I know I need to do something, but I don’t know what. I’m very nervous that anything I say or do might be wrong or make things worse. I feel so lost and useless, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
LikeLike
Hi Amanda, if you email me at karen@karenwoodall.blog I can send you some guidance and let you know how we can help you. Best wishes Karen
LikeLike