Psychological Splitting as a Core Symptom of Self Alienation in Children of Divorce and Separation

APA definition of Psychological Splitting

1. in Kleinian analysis and Fairbairnian theory, a primitive defense mechanism used to protect oneself from conflict, in which objects provoking anxiety and ambivalence are dichotomized into extreme representations (part-objects) with either positive or negative qualities, resulting in polarized viewpoints that fluctuate in extremes of seeing the self or others as either all good or all bad. This mechanism is used not only by infants and young children, who are not yet capable of integrating these polarized viewpoints, but also by adults with dysfunctional patterns of dealing with ambivalence; it is often associated with borderline personality disorder. Also called splitting of the object.

APA Definition of Self Alienation

self-alienation n. estrangement from oneself, typically accompanied by significant emotional distancing. The self-alienated individual is frequently unaware of or largely unable to describe his or her own intrapsychic processes.

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Introduction

At the Family Separation Clinic we consider that the problem of children’s rejection of a parent in a familial setting or post divorce/separation, is the result of the onset of primitive defences in the child which lead to attachment maladaptations in their primary relationships. We consider the concept of self alienation to be a better way of describing the problem for children as it focuses upon their experience as the core issue. Our clinical experience shows us that self alienation in children, is heralded by the onset of primitive defences, the most obvious being splitting in which the child shows idealisation of a parent to whom they are seen to be hyper aligned. Using Object Relations Theory, we can understand the attachment maladaptations which are caused and the way in which the parent in the rejected position is impacted as a secondary phase of the process which unfolds.

The Role of Object Relations Theory in Understanding Children’s Behaviours in Divorce

Our work at the Family Separation Clinic is rooted in Object Relations Theory, which means that when are working with children who align with a parent and reject the other in divorce and separation, we are working with their internalised object relationships.

Object Relations Theory is a psychoanalytic framework that focuses on the ways individuals develop their sense of self and relationships based on their early experiences and interactions with significant others, often referred to as “objects” in psychological terms. This theory examines the psychological dynamics of how individuals perceive, relate to, and internalize these objects (Klein, 1935; Winnicott, 1953; Kernberg, 1975; Greenberg & Mitchell, 1983).

The theory posits that the quality of early relationships, particularly with primary caregivers (such as parents or caregivers), significantly shapes an individual’s emotional and psychological development. These early interactions are internalized and create the foundation for how people understand themselves, others, and their subsequent relationships throughout their lives. Object Relations Theory deviates from traditional psychoanalysis by shifting the emphasis from drives and instincts (as proposed by Freud) to the significance of interpersonal relationships and the impact of early emotional experiences. (Mitchell & Black, 1995).

Key concepts used in Object Relations Theory:

Objects: In this context, objects refer to people or psychological representations of people (such as caregivers) who play a role in an individual’s emotional life. Objects are not just seen as external entities but are also internalized in the form of mental representations or “internal objects.”

Internalization: This concept explains how individuals incorporate the qualities and dynamics of their relationships with objects into their psyche. Positive experiences with caregivers may lead to positive internalized objects, while negative experiences can result in negative internalized objects.

Introjection and Projection: Introjection is the process of internalizing aspects of others, such as their beliefs, feelings, or attitudes. Projection, on the other hand, involves attributing one’s own feelings or characteristics onto others. Both mechanisms contribute to an individual’s self-concept and relational patterns.

Splitting: Melanie Klein introduced the idea of “splitting,” where individuals perceive people or objects as either all good or all bad, without recognizing the complexities of human nature. This can lead to ambivalent or polarized emotions in relationships.

Transitional Objects: Proposed by D.W. Winnicott, these are comfort objects (like a child’s favorite blanket or stuffed animal) that serve as a bridge between the child’s internal and external worlds, helping them navigate the boundary between self and other.

Self and Other: Object Relations Theory emphasizes the development of the self in relation to others. The self is understood to be shaped by interactions with others and how these interactions are internalized.

Object Relations Theory has been influential in psychology and psychotherapy, offering insights into understanding attachment styles, emotional disturbances, personality development, and the therapeutic relationship. It has also been integrated into various therapeutic approaches, including psychodynamic therapy and relational therapy. In terms of understanding how children are affected by divorce and separation, it provides insight into the ways in which children’s internalised experience of their family relationships, are impacted by parental psychology and emotional responses to divorce and separation.

Self Alienation

,The concept of self alienation as described by the APA above, is useful when working with children who align with a parent and reject the other in divorce and separation. This is because these children display the symptoms of self alienation in this maladaptive pattern of behaviours. Some children who hyper- align with a parent,(demonstrated by the child’s automatic mirroring of that parent’s views of the other parent), are unable to articulate their intra-psychic process, meaning that they are unable to express any independent feelings in a way which is coherent. These children can be considered to be suffering from self-alienation, which in my view is the right way to describe children who are being triangulated into the adult responses to divorce and separation because it properly focuses upon the harm being caused to the child by a parent. Other children who are hyper aligned are found to be operating from ‘part selves’ meaning that they have a capacity for expression of their own independent feelings when they are not with the parent to whom they are aligned. This is because ego splitting which is the basis for alienation of the self, causes the development of a series of false selves which are deployed as a defence when the child is under pressure from the aligned parent. In my observations of the deployment of these false selves, there is a continuum which begins with active efforts to defend the parent to whom the child is aligned and which ends with the child having made a series of attachment maladaptations which enable the child to accomodate the harms which have been done to them, without becoming conscious that it is the aligned parent who has caused that harm.

Splitting as a Core Symptom of Self Alienation in Children of Divorce and Separation

Splitting is accompanied by denial and projection, all of which are primitive defences.

APA definition of Primitive Defences

in psychoanalytic theory, any defense mechanism that protects against anxiety associated with the death instinct. Primitive defense mechanisms include denial, splitting, projection, and idealization and are the first to occur developmentally.

Splitting is demonstrated in children who align strongly with one parent and reject the other with contempt, via idealisation of the aligned parent. In such a scenario, children in the age group 8-15 who align and reject, are seen to have regressed developmentally to the use of primitive defences during an age when they would have ordinarily have achieved a greater level of maturity. Primitive defences are those which are seen in borderline or unstable personality disorder, when integration of the internal object relationships cannot be consistently maintained.

When children in the age range 8-15 show a regression to idealising a parent, it is not because they are being harmed by the rejected parent as is so often claimed by campaigners who themselves are seen to use primitive defences. In circumstances where a child is being abused by a parent they are seeking to distance themselves from, they do not hyper align or idealise but instead retain the capacity to understand and articulate their intra-psychic processes. What this means in clinical terms is that a child who is seeking to put distance between them and a parent due to that parent’s harmful behaviour, can and will, readily explain why they are seeking to do so. It is only in situations where a child has become alienated from the self and incapable as a result of articulating their intra-psychic process, that repetition of narratives inculcated by the idealised parent are heard.

Our Work at the Family Separation Clinic

In our current work at the Family Separation Clinic, we are focusing upon the analysis of the experiences of children who at the outset of our work with them, were suffering from splitting, demonstrated by their idealisation of a parent found to have caused them serious psychological and emotional harm and rejection of a parent who has been found to be healthy. In this work we are examining the ways in which children who are protected from the harms which cause this projective behaviour of idealisation and rejection, understand their internal world. These are the children who in private or public law, are moved from parents who have caused emotional and psychological harm, to the kinship care of parents who were previously rejected and who have been found to be capable of providing healthy protective care. What is obvious in this work is that the shift away from the idealised parent provides the initital protection from harm which is required for successful intervention and the proximity to the previously rejected parent provides the basis for restoration of healthy attachments which were previously maladapted. What we find in this work is that the number one cause of rejection of parents in circumstances where they are seen to be hyper aligned (idealising) a parent after divorce or separation, when this is accompanied by rejection of the other parent, is hidden abuse of the child by that parent. This abuse may be conscious and deliberate or unconscious and/or unintended but it requires that the child is protected from harm due to the pernicious impact which causes the child to become alienated from their own sense of self.

Evaluation of children’s experiences of the parent to whom they were once hyper aligned, shows that recovery from splitting requires protection from the causative dynamics, constraining of the capacity of the parent to continue causing those dynamics, proximity to the healthy (once rejected) parent and therapeutic work to re-organise internalised attachment relationships.

This work is based upon clinical engagement with children who have been moved in residence transfer and will be published in due course.

References

• Mitchell, S. A., & Black, M. J. (1995). Freud and Beyond: A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought. Basic Books.
• Greenberg, J. R., & Mitchell, S. A. (1983). Object Relations in Psychoanalytic Theory. Harvard University Press.
• Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 34(2), 89-97.
• Kernberg, O. (1975). Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism. Jason Aronson.
• Klein, M. (1935). A Contribution to the Psychogenesis of Manic-Depressive States. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 16, 145-174.

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NB: Treatment of Splitting

Whilst FSC uses Object Relations Theory to understand the problem of splitting and self alienation, we use a combination of Structural Therapy and Object Relations in treatment. This is a primarily a structural problem, which is caused by power and control dynamics and these must be addressed first before work to properly address attachment maladaption can begin. It is currently the role of the Court to address the structural aspects of treatment, however FSC Is currently working with Social Work teams to trial a model of social work intervention to address this aspect of the work, with FSC providing the therapeutic input. Results from this trial will be made available in due course.