Children who become alienated in divorce and separation suffer from psychological splitting which creates schisms and fractures within their internal sense of self. When we are working with children in this state of mind we are first and foremost thinking about how those fragmented selves present in the outside world and we are looking for those behavioural patterns which tell us what the internal landscape of the child feels like. Seeking to signal to the alienated child that it is safe enough to come closer, Lighthouse Keeping is a way of thinking about how to remain anchored in a stable psychological and emotional state of mind, whilst signalling to the child that they can attempt the crossing of what feels like a stormy psychological and emotional sea, to reach once again the proximity to you that has been denied to them. It is within that journey from split sense of self to integration that the alienated child encounters all aspects of self which has, through the trauma of family separation, been lost to them. With a secure base, shining a clear light in the psychological darkness, many alienated children find their way home, to themselves and to the parent in the rejected position. When they do, they find that those slender golden threads of attachment are powerful motivating forces which can rapidly heal the wounds the child has suffered.
Helping parents to find their own Lighthouse Keeping potential is what this new phase of work at the Family Separation Clinic is all about. As our work with the problem of children’s disorganised attachments evolves, we are moving towards a new incarnation where all of our services and resources for families affected by children’s alignment and rejection behaviours will come together. As work continues on this evolutionary process, our services for 2024 are expanding to meet the needs of parents in the rejected position.
A new survivor support group called Lighthouse Keeping is launched, this is for parents in the early stages of rejection and those who need additional input to stabilise and build strength and our Listening Circles for parents wanting to develop Therapeutic Parenting skills continue. Our foundational course called Holding up a Healthy Mirror will run again for Australia/New Zealand and Hong Kong time zone parents and for UK and USA time zone parents and the Higher Level Therapeutic Parenting Course which is the intermediary course which introduces concepts of working with part selves of alienated children to enable trauma recovery will run again across one week in February for both time zones. We are aiming to meet the needs for parents in the Australian/New Zealand and Hong Kong time zone as far as possible and will add new live delivery of support services in the coming months.
First Quarter 2024 Courses, Therapy Group and Listening Circles
All of our courses and resources are open to parents and wider family members. Our aim is always to help you build a strong toolbox of skills and the confidence to use them. To support this we are currently offering two levels of training in Therapeutic Parenting for Parents in the Rejected Position, our foundation course and a higher level course. These are supported by drop in Listening and Learning Circles which are available to join as you wish to get additional support. A new group called Lighthouse Keeping, is for survivors who need additional support, this runs every other week in blocks of six and will help you if you find that you are suffering from anxiety and symptoms of complex traum
Holding up a Healthy Mirror
This is the foundational course for all parents in the rejected position who want to learn more about Therapeutic Parenting. We are delivering this in an intensive format across one week for parents in different time zones. The dates and times that I will be running this course are –
15/16/22/23 January
@ 9am – 11am UK time for Australia, New Zealand and Hong Kong
and
@5-7 UK time for UK, USA and Canada
Cost: £180 (£25 per hour)
Higher Level Therapeutic Parenting for Alienated Children
This course is for anyone who has completed the Holding up a Healthy Mirror Course and is a depth course which focuses upon Contemporary Trauma Theory combined with Internal Family Systems Theory and Structural Therapy. This course gives you a clear understanding of how to use the language of parts with alienated children and how to understand and respond to the child’s behaviour using an approach which has been tailored for alienated children by the Family Separation Clinic. I will deliver this course in an intensive format across one week in February in different time zones. The dates and times I will be running this course are –
Australia/New Zealand/Hong Kong (UK and Europe).
5, 6,7,8 February
@8.30am – 11am UK time
and
UK/Europe/USA & Canada5, 6,7,8 February
@ 5.30 – 8pm UK time
Cost £350 per person (£35 per hour).
Lighthouse Keeping – Survivor Support Group
Based upon contemporary trauma theory, Lighthouse Keeping is a way of reframing the reality of being a parent in the rejected position away from helplessness to an active and positive mindset.
Beginning with an understanding of trauma and its impact, this group, is designed to jump start the move from reaction to the trauma of being rejected by a child to responding to the needs of the alienated child by working at therapeutic depth on the impact of this trauma on internal and external relational health.
Led by Karen Woodall, a Psychotherapist for almost thirty years, fifteen of which have been spent working with traumatised this group of families, will compliment the work undertaken in Holding up a Healthy Mirror or Higher Level Understanding Courses by offering grounded techniques for mentalising and healing from the trauma of being rejected by a beloved child due to harm being caused in the relationship with the other parent or caregiver.
This course will be useful to you if you feel helpless, are suffering from symptoms of anxiety, are just entering the process of being a parent in the rejected position or are supporting someone in this situation.
Dates – 16, 30 January 13, 27, February, 12, 26 March
@17:00 to 19:00 UK time
Cost £ 240 (£20 per hour).
Listening Circles
29th January – Understanding reactive splitting for parents in the rejected position
12th February – Understanding teenagers and disorganised attachment
26th February – Recovery Journeys
11th March – Writing to your alienated child
Karen Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer 
Hello is the Holding up the healthy mirror course today or when I go to book it looks like it’s next week?
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It begins on the 22nd and runs 22/23/24/25 Carl. K
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Hi Karen…..I have been separated from my children since Sept, 2019. My daughters are 15, 13, and 11. It has been approximately 16 months since I’ve had any contact, after agreeing to relinquish custody and visitation. I have decided I am going to begin attending some of their school events. I have no expectations, recognizing they are severely alienated. I fully understand that any situation I may encounter needs to be addressed with empathy for all involved, including their mother, who is a borderline. My primary reason for deciding to attend some functions is so the girls see me and my hope is in the long run that leads to them feeling like I still cared. Once again, I have no expectations. Only hope, and understand I may never know how they feel. Do you have any articles that addresses a parent in my situation? Thanks kindly, Art
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