To offset the negative, I also often receive positive comments and here this week I received one of the most wonderful comments. A comment to make my heart and yours, sing.
To cheer us and encourage us, to underscore all that we say and do at the Family Separation Clinic and to keep your faith, hope and belief in the love that your child holds in their heart for you, with permission I have reproduced the comment so that everyone can share.
Go well in your world this weekend and tend to your heart and your soul. In the heart and soul of your alienated child, nothing, but nothing is forgotten.
From Holly
I have posted previously, sharing my experiences as an alienated parent. I am happy to now post as a reunified parent. Just before her 18thbirthday, my daughter who had completely stopped all communication with me, called me on the phone and with an uncertain, trembling voice asked if she could come stay with me. I answered “Of course. “
Her stepmom called me shortly thereafter and told me all sorts of rotten things about my daughter, saying she just wanted me to know”what I was getting into.”
My daughter returned. She was nervous at first. Neither knew what to expect. I was calm and told her I knew there was a lot to talk about but I also knew she was processing a lot, so just told her to come in and make herself at home and when she was ready we can talk. Later that night she asked me to come speak with her. I let her talk. She cried as she apologized for cutting contact with me. She told me she used to get reprimanded, belittled, and even punished for talking kindly of me or saying she wanted to contact me. She said she’d been happy after the last time we spoke and immediately her stepmom got angry, calling her an ingrate and telling her she’d ruined all of their lives, including her stepsisters, because she was the reason they’d been to court so many times, and now she was reaching out to me anyway. She said they made it clear she shouldn’t be talking to me so she stopped. She then told me about years of manipulation and control by the stepmom. How the stepmom told her she was horrible and she didn’t want to be her mom. How the stepmom accused her of illicit behaviors my daughter had never been involved in. How her stepmom spied on her and her stepsister through their bedroom windows at night. How stepmom ransacked her room, upturning the mattress, dumping dresser drawers, tossing clothes from the closet, and sweeping all items from countertops to the point of breaking things, all to see if she would catch my daughter doing something wrong. She didn’t find anything.
My daughter said at that point she told her stepmom she wanted to leave. Her stepmom replied with a sneer “And where do you think you’ll go? Your mom won’t want you back after everything that’s happened !” My daughter replied “You’re wrong. I already called her and asked if I could go and she said yes.” Stepmom went into a rage and told her she had an hour to remove all her belongings from the house. She shut off my daughter’s phone, and then called me to tell me horrible things about my daughter, insinuating she was sleeping around and doing drugs.
None of that mattered to me. If my daughter needed help, I’d be there to see she got it. I welcomed her back. I half expected her to come in the door with track marks, crazy dyed hair, piercings and tattoos, and be 6 months pregnant. Nope. Just my same beautiful girl, clearly shaken by the upheaval in her life, walked through my door. Everything stepmom said was lies. Apparently she told my daughter as she left “I’m calling your mom and she won’t want you after I get through!” My daughter sobbed as she recounted those words saying she was so nervous that I would believe the awful things her stepmom said and wouldn’t want her back. I told her “your stepmom clearly dosn’t know me if she thinks that’s all it would take.”
I let her know that I understood this was all a lot to process. That she didn’t have to “unpack” it all now, and that I’d be here whenever she wanted to talk. I also told her that for all her many faults, her stepmom was trying to parent in the way she knew how. It was not my way, and the I don’t condone the actions, but I told my daughter if she harbored hate for her dad (who she called a coward because when she turned to him he told her he’d always side with stepmom) or her stepmom, it would be worse for her than being at peace with understanding who they are.
Of course I wanted to badmouth them. My stomach was churning as she spoke. But I didn’t, knowing that while it would make me feel good, it wasn’t in her best interest. For years I’ve held steady, absorbing the pains and frustrations of alienation, relying on ambivalence as much as I could muster. Now, at the moment of reunification, I dug deep to find it again.
My daughter has been home three months now. She is happy, chatty, and warm. She confides in me about everything, checks in with me multiple times a day, and told me she sleeps soundly now whereas she hadn’t slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night in months prior to leaving her dads home. She still hasn’t said “I love you” to me. I talked about it with her one night when she began the conversation. I told her I know she was conditioned to withdraw and feel mixed negative emotions when I said “I love you” to her. She confirmed it was true. She said she’d just taken a psychology course, and recognized that her disgust at hearing me say “I love you” was a conditioned response. I let her know I understood. It took years to ingrain it in her and would take a while before it left her. But, if it was ok with her, I was still going to say it occasionally to her, because it was true and my heart was so happy to have her near. I also told her I didn’t expect her to reply with “I love you” back, and that I never wished for anyone to say that unless they truly felt it. She thanked me for understanding.
I tell her I love her about once a week or so. She is growing more accustomed to hearing it, and accepting it. And she hugs me. Genuinely. We have come a long way from the young girl who flinched away if I touched her and screamed that she hated me. Patience and ambivalence are my longtime companions. I can wait for the day, which I am now certain will come eventually, when she says “I love you too, Mom.”
…………………… In the wee dark hours, lost and forlorn, struggling through the hopeless dysfunction of alienation year after year, you and your blog were a source of hope and understanding, as well as a toolbox that I could turn to for help.
We have never met, and yet you were one of the most powerful forces on my journey. You gave me strength and hope and guidance. Your experiences, shared for all the world to see, were often my only navigation system through the thick muck and deep, murky waters of alienation.
I never had the financial means to hire local counselors whose expertise is treating targeted parents. And yet, there I was, able to turn to one of the world’s leading experts for help. I was not abandoned. I was not alone. Nor were the thousands of other struggling alienated parents across the globe. Someone cared enough about us to help. YOU cared. Without any personal gain, and often at the risk of facing backlash, you reached out to us through your blog and offered your wisdom, advice, concern, and cautions. You continue to guide us through our worst days and prepare us for the best yet to come.
I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me and my family. We may never meet, but you will always have a special place in my heart.
Much love from California!
Holly
………..
For all others who may be reading this: hold tight to the belief that one day you will have your own happy ending. Keep hope alive. And in the meantime, be kind to yourselves. You have been through so much. Live as fully as you can, as happily as you can, until that missing piece falls into place. You will be all the better for it when that time does come.
What else is there to say? From the heart of a mom reunited, stay well and happy and be kind to yourselves, you will be better for it when that time does come.
Go where the love flows
Go where the heart is held in gentle hands
Be with your peace in an ambivalent world and do not let what has been done to your child corrupt your soul.
Stay true to who you are and become one of the giants who walk amongst us.
Karen Woodall 
Reblogged this on Parental Alienation.
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Made me cry, beautiful story and what a loving mum. X
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Its heartening to read. I’m so very pleased for you, and for your daughter. My most heartfelt best wishes for you both. I think you have given the most wonderful and sensitive responses to this changing situation. It gives me hope to read it.
I pray for this for my husband and his son.
Do you know what triggered her call?
I’m just personally sad its a wicked stepmom story – I don’t have any stats (maybe Karen has some anecdotal ones) but I’d guess step-parent led alienation is a smallish percentage of people’s experiences overall? I know of cases where step-parent support exacerbates the alienation, and whilst waiting for a court appointment once (and witnessing a heated exchange), my husband was told by the court officer that ‘new partners were the worst’.
Karen – I’m so very happy for you too, to have this public confirmation and endorsement of you and your working methods, alongside your fortitude and perseverance in the face of professional ‘challenges’. I trust this will feed your soul. Keep going Karen.
Keep going all who alight here looking for hope.
from a (not so wicked) stepmother, who waits, and hopes, and lives.
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SG, I’m with you. This is a wonderful story, and I am so happy for Holly. Another (not so wicked) stepmother.
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I know so many wonderful step mothers with hearts as big as the peonies I used to grow in my garden. I will grow them again one day and think of all of the love in the hearts of step mothers all over the world. I too am a step mother who knows a bit about how the wicked step mother story plays out. In some cases step mothers ARE wicked in others their hearts are whole and healthy and full of love which one day they too will get to give to the children x
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and that made me cry x
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Reblogged this on Madison Elizabeth Baylis.
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What a sad story and yet it brings hope and joy too. I wish all the best to Holly and her daughter it is a long journey.
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Thank you for sharing your story Holly which gives so much hope and reason to carry on to so many people. May love light, forgiveness and joy be with you both x
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Congratulations to Holly! I too wonder what triggered the child to reach out, though I assume it was her impending 18th birthday, which in most states makes one a legal adult, able to make decision about living arrangements.
As another stepmother checking in, I can’t imagine why this child’s stepmother would put so much energy into alienating her- I get why biological parents do so, but what drives a stepmother to that sort of reaction?
And thank you, Karen – you deserve the recognition.
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Thank you so much for sharing…both Karen and Holly. It touched my heart so deeply and it gives me much hope reading this story in the morning of my daughter’s birthday!!! My daughter is in the hands of a wicked stepmother, who is unable to have her own child, so she steal mine. She is supervising my daughter for the next 3.5 years of high school in the U.S. even though she couldn’t speak, read or understand any English, the father who lives 80 miles away completely blocked me from our daughter’s life, arranged the stepmother to take care. I have not seen or heard anything from my daughter since June 12, 2017. The 14.5 years of custody battle started when my daughter was only 5 month old, she used to be very close to me even when we lived apart, with alienation, she eventually turned to be so harsh and pushed me out of her life told me that she has a new mom, no longer needed me. I am moving to the little town she lives now in 3 days. I like to think this story is a good sign that I might able to see my daughter, reunited with her one day just like Holly did.
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You are an amazing woman having endured all this for so long. Yet your strength and resilience is a testament to your character and the love you have for your children.
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Just hoping for my moment…
But finding pleasure in Holly’s xxx
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I’m happy to hear that my story is inspiring others, just as others’ reunification stories once inspired me. And when reunification becomes your reality, please share your stories as well!
A few have asked what prompted my daughter to reach out. It was a combination of things. Her 18-year-old stepsister had been thrown out of the house that morning. In rifling through her daughter’s room, stepmom found a wine cooler. Her daughter came home from school to find her bedroom empty. Everything had been moved into the garage and she was told that if she thought she could do what she wanted, she’d have to do it somewhere else. My daughter’s room was ransacked immediately afterward. Nothing was found but she was told that they knew she was doing things she shouldn’t be along with her stepsister. My daughter was 17 for one more month, so her stepmom told her they couldn’t kick her out yet, so instead she would have to stay in her room everyday until her 18th birthday. My daughter, who is in college, was told she wouldn’t be allowed to go to school either, that she would just have to fail all her classes. She couldn’t have friends visit either. Then they’d decide “what to do with” her once she turned 18. My daughter said she didn’t want to wait there in isolation for a month only to be kicked out as soon as she turned 18, and have nowhere to go like her stepsister. So she took a leap of faith and called me.
On a side note: when stepmom called me to say awful things about my daughter, she mentioned in passing that she’d kicked her own daughter out that morning. I immediately asked “where is she?” She was surprised I asked and said “I don’t know. I guess with friends.” Later that day I spoke with the stepsister and asked if she was safe. She said yes in a trembling voice. She was scared and didn’t know what to do or where she was going to stay. I invited her to stay with me, telling her I never wanted her to worry about where she was going to sleep, and assuring her that my home was always open to her. She thanked me, but too quickly, as if she couldn’t accept. She knew my daughter was going to be staying with me, but felt that after everything that had happened there was no way she could. I told her “I mean it. You are my daughter’s sister, and that means you are my family. My home might be small, but it is always open to you. I have a bed waiting, and would love it if you would stay here too.” My daughter convinced her the offer was genuine. She accepted and ended up staying with me for nearly a month until she found a rental on her own. She is a sweet girl. And I believe it made the transition easier for them both to have each other together.
My daughter told me just the other day that she wasn’t sure what to expect when she moved home, but that it couldn’t have turned out better. I happen to agree.
Holly
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Addendum: I myself am a sort-of stepmom. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 6 years, though we aren’t married. Nonetheless, his son, whom I have known since he was 10 years old, considers me his stepmom. We have a wonderful relationship. His mom and I get along as well, and I often support her in front of him, letting him know she is a wonderful mom, and she has thanked me for being a positive figure in his life. My story with my daughter’s stepmom is in no way meant to cast doubt on all the amazing stepparents out there, many whose invaluable contributions to their stepchildren’s lives go unsung.
That said, there are a few bad apples. Someone questioned what her motivations are. I’m not a therapist, but I believe that finances were a huge motivation. My ex husband made three times what I did, and yet wanted to pay me nothing in support. They found a way to make that happen by gaining custody of my children, and then sued me to pay them support.
When my daughter left she was still 17. Her stepmom took all the remaining money out of her financial aid account (over $1,000) saying she was taking it to reimburse herself for my daughter’s living expenses. That left my daughter without money for her books this semester, which she ultimately paid for out of pocket. The final text my daughter received from her stepmom said “Now that we have no more financial ties, there is no reason for you to contact me again. If you have something to say, contact your father.” My daughter was hurt, of course. But in a way it has also helped her to see her stepmom for who she is. Not because I said anything, but because of her own callous words and actions.
I reminded my daughter after getting that text, when she was hurting and seeing things from a fresh perspective, that nothing is black and white. I reminded her there were valuable things she got from the relationship too: having a stepsister she loves, visiting places and meeting people she wouldn’t otherwise have seen or known, learning to make jam, etc. I told her she is an amazing young woman and all of her experiences to date have contributed to that. It’s a reminder I offered myself often in the past: the positives, wherever they come from, matter.
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Holly-What wonderful news. I am so happy for you and your daughter. Thank you for sharing for the rest of us who are waiting and forlorn. As Karen says “ you are a giant amongst us.”
There is garden where we are tended to, nourished and our spirits lifted. The Karen Woodall flower garden. She comes a frequently with her expertise gardening, she puts her gloves on and her flower shears in hand with tender love clipping the dead and replenishing and drip feeding the delicate roots reviving back to life. I can envision it. She comes frequently mending the wounded souls curating and defending and keeping the parasites away. The parasites like manure she rids of. She feeds and strengthens until a day coming the flower blooming. Never alone and never abandoned the keeper constantly selflessly gives. Year after year fluffing and tilling the soil removing all the infectious weeds. A day coming and very near the flowers return to full glory. What a day of rejoicing. All this in the Karen Woodall flower garden.
With love,
Anonymous-mother of three
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such a beautiful comment AMOT and so much appreciated this week. I love the gardening analogy, I love gardening, I loved Ali’s blog about mindful gardening, I miss gardening.
Gardening, like writing has been that which has kept me safe and sane throughout my life, combining the two is a joy, sharing this with others and knowing that it helps is also a joy for me. But I don’t do it for the joy, I do it because in doing so I am sharing my personal and professional journey so that the work we are doing can be visible and seen by those who need to know that people care.
People do care, they really really do care about alienated children and parents and they want to do something to help. PASG is a group made up of so many gardeners and so many people seen and unseen who do this work. I am grateful to them for all that they do too.
I am grateful to you AMOT from whom I learn and all of those whose lives touch mine and mine theirs. I learn all of the time and in learning I develop and pass on the knowledge as much as I can.
But here is where I come to tend the flowers and sometimes pull the weeds and sometimes heap a bonfire onto which I throw all of the unnecessary rubbish which gathers at times.
And then we are free to begin again, sow the seeds and grow love to flourish in the garden. All for the children and the hearts of their parents and to show the world that these families matter and must never be ignored or overlooked or disbelieved.
The flowers which grow the tallest are the sunflowers, one for every parent who has suffered alienation. I tend them the most. They are strong but oh so vulnerable inside. I feed them extra so that they can survive.
xx
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(EDIT REQUEST: Karen, I just re-read my reply about what prompted my daughter to leave her stepmom’s home. I noticed it says “she mentioned she kicked her own daughter that morning.” I meant to say “she mentioned she kicked her own daughter OUT that morning.” Big difference. Can you please edit it to include the word “out” in that sentence? Otherwise it suggests physical violence and there was none that I know of.)
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Hi H, could you point me to it, I am going cross eyed looking for it x
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It’s in my reply that begins “I’m happy to hear that my story is inspiring others.”
The incorrect line is the first sentence of the third paragraph that begins with “On a side note….”.
Thank you for correcting it before posting it! 🙂
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(It’s one of my two replies that still say “awaiting moderation”)
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Done now Holly x
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“Parental alienation counsellor Karen Woodall sanctioned for malpractice [June 2015]
…
Parts of the complaint (upheld) relate to Ms Woodall providing a written assessment on the family including opinion that the child ‘is suffering from…’ and ‘I make this diagnosis…’ when she had not in fact met the child at that time.
…
The Panel also found that ‘Ms Woodall lacked the personal moral qualities of Sincerity, Integrity, Competence and Wisdom to which all practitioners are strongly urged to aspire.’”
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Dear Eddy,
Thank you for posting the Custody Minefield’s publication of the sanction applied to me by BACP. I imagine that you are very pleased with the finding of it on the internet. Had you spent a little more time earlier in your campaign to support your guru, you may well have found it earlier, it has never been hidden, it has been written about several times over the years on this blog.
You may be interested in the fact that BACP do not recognise PA, neither do they recognise AB-PA, very few bodies around the world do . You may also be interested to know that the sanction was applied in a very unpleasant case brought by an alienating parent against me. The parent did not like the fact that I did not accept the views being put forward about the child. It is of course interesting that someone like you, who has left several deeply unpleasant messages on this blog, is more interested in being able to try and undermine my work than in the fact that I was working for an alienated parent. As such you are likely very like the man who continues to publish the sanction, you find harming the work of others more important than the project to help alienated children.
I have your name and the comments that you have made as part of the documentation of the campaign being waged against me by Childress and his followers. I will make a note of this latest comment which comes after I have published your previous comment. I ask you now formally and publicly to cease and desist your continued campaign of denigration.
In terms of the BACP sanction, it is old news around the world. Who amongst those who truly do this work to support children have not risked complaint and sanction? I am neither ashamed of the sanction, nor am I stopped in my work by it. You may find it satisfying to judge me and to use it against me, that speaks more about you than it does about me.
I would like you now to leave me to do my work in peace. I would like all of those who have shown me the truth this past week of what is really going on in this Childress campaign against me to do the same.
Let your leader make good on his promise to you.
Let your hurting heart be healed.
Let he who has never risked complaint and sanction in working for alienated children stand up now.
Let me and those of us who do the work a different way to your guru, go in peace.
And may you and all yours do the same.
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Dear Eddy
Parental alienation is an appalling situation that, sadly, many of the people who read and comment on this blog, alongside the blogs of others who work in this field, including Craig Childress, find themselves in, often through no direct and specific fault of their own, other than by trying to stay in the lives of their children, post separation. A read of this blog, and Dr Childress’s, reveals many personal stories and comments from contributors, the majority of which detail unhappy and prolonged separations between children and their parents.
I speak for myself, but also for others, when I say how wonderful it is to read a real, first hand, current account, where someone’s story has changed for the better, and a child/young adult has been happily reunited with their previously lost parent.
Your post did nothing to add to or comment on Holly’s personal story. You didn’t even wish her and her daughter well. Instead you chose to piggyback on someone’s else good news in order to try to slur the person/organisation she wrote to say thank you to.
How rude, how mean, and how sad.
I can only presume a successful reunification, where the person directly involved has gained strength from the work of the Family Separation Clinic is not a good enough story for you. In my life I have gained much guidance and knowledge from reading the work of both Karen Woodall and Craig Childress. There is a place for both their studies in this field. No one takes on this work lightly. I presume you left your comment because you thought people should know some of the history of Karen’s work. I think it speaks volumes for Karen’s sincerity, integrity and wisdom that she posted your comment, and as for competence – I think Holly’s grateful comments cover that too.
I wish you well. PA is bad enough to endure without unwarranted meanness towards those who can, and do, go above and beyond to help parents and children reunite and recover.
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Thank you Catherine, I am grateful for your kindness, it goes a long long way to offset the unpleasantness. I agree that it is remarkably sad that Eddy could not wish Holly and her daughter well, perhaps his pain is simply too great for him to be able to even see the irony of his actions. If it is I hope he gets the help that he needs. K
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Thank you for your post, Eddy. It proves my point perfectly: that Karen, for all the good she does for so many families worldwide, is nonetheless targeted and subjected to backlash from those such as yourself, so blinded by anger and self-righteousness that it overshadows all else. And yet she continues to help us, without personal gain, because it is who she is by nature: caring, giving, and filled with “Sincerity, Integrity, Competence, and Wisdom.”
What you may not fully understand, Eddy, is that alienated parents are personally familiar with court systems, attorneys, counselors, and other professionals who fail to believe that alienation exists despite overwhelming proof. That someone failed to recognize Karen Woodall’s expertise is no surprise. Disappointing, yes, but a surprise, no.
You posted a highly edited, greatly redacted opinion piece. I imagine it important to you not to mention the portions involving the accusations against her that weren’t upheld. But more than that, the fact that you grasp onto the negative propaganda about her and gleefully wield it out of spite while failing to acknowledge the many positive testimonials about her work, including mine above, speaks volumes about you not her. Sad volumes.
Karen: please continue blazing trails and furthering awareness. Setbacks and scorn will undoubtedly follow you as you do, but the good you are doing means so much to so many. Me not the least among them.
~ Holly
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thank you Holly, I am blessed by yours and so many other people’s kindness throughout all of this. Holly, I wonder if you would give us some occasional updating pieces to post on here, so many will be wondering what it is like AFTER a child reunites. I want to focus more here on helping, I am hoping Ali will write some more pieces for us and that others might too. Hearing from real life experiences of coping and healing will be a real shift in our intention on this blog and I would really like to do that this year when so much good is being done in the field and so many are coming together to help. Do let me know, I for one am hugely interested and I know others will be too x
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I will gladly do so.
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What a lovely story, that reminds us all too keep the faith and acknowledges the brilliant work that Karen does.
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Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
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Amazing!!…..thanks for sharing that massive message of hope, Karen
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Thank you for sharing! This story gives hope to loving targeted parents that mourn living children. The never ending heartache and sadness is overwhelming and unbearable. Hopefully your daughter can see all of the love and support you have had throughout the lost years. Grown children that return need to be aware of the agony and suffering that the alienated endures. We don’t live lives of free birds doing as we please. But rather animals, living in an unlocked cage, fearful to leave the bars that secure us. Due to the same dysfunction that kept her away. A mothers love is unconditional and you have proven this to be true! May you and your daughter have the best & happiest years of your lives from here till eternity! May God bless and keep you safe ❤️❤️
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Hi Higbye
If I could award gold stars I would give you one for emotional intelligence and another for contributions to mental health.
I was wondering where you go from here, healing as you venture forward.
As you describe it the dynamic between Stepmom and her partner is not good. It is more like a mother/child relationship than an adult/adult one. Just another ramification of the far reaching destructive powers of an alienator. (This alerts me to the female equivalence of a “Harvey Weinstein”, a power controlling nature, allegedly).
Your daughter describes her father as a coward and this is not good, because it becomes an obstacle to a healthy father/daughter relationship.
One of the things you can do is show pictorially how in the past her father has been a good, effective and valued individual. He is still that same person except he is now in a different setting very much “under the thumb” of his new partner.
It is to be hoped that he can awake from this and take on his father role irrespective of any control mechanism meted out by his new partner. He may even have to leave her for this to happen, it depends how strong his influence is over his partner and to what degree he has the will to make changes. Under what conditions can he restore his role?
You may be interested in a book by Gottman, entitled “The heart of parenting” in which he describes three broad brush strokes of parenting styles. He highlights emotionally healthy parenting which I feel sure you will identify with.
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Anonymous
I was heartened by Holly’s story but very curious to read of the father’s role – quoting part of your post: “Your daughter describes her father as a coward and this is not good, because it becomes an obstacle to a healthy father/daughter relationship” – because it rang so many bells with me.
My father took on the same role with my dominant mother who I am sure had some kind of mental health problem (narcissist personality???) . They were married for over 60 years and when she died he constantly said he would give anything to have her back. He put her on a pedestal and worshipped her. He would never go against her wishes and she was always in charge.
When I got married, my mother refused to attend and gave no reasonable reason. She said at the time they couldn’t afford it but still wouldn’t come to my wedding even when we said we would pay for everything including clothing them and my younger brother & much younger sister who lived both were too young to leave home. No amount of pleading would change her mind and all my father said to me was ‘I hope you understand’. My aunt & uncle, who did come to my wedding, were never spoken to again – my mother told me she was ‘disgusted’ that my uncle had ‘taken your father’s place’. I’d sent her copies of our wedding photos and even though it was a very sad affair at a register office the photographer had insisted that SOMEONE must have given me away and promptly decided it must have been my uncle and posed us together. My mother was livid when she saw my uncle and I photographed together as though he’d given me away. She didn’t grasp that had they turned up no one need have ‘taken my father’s place’! And my father never said one word.
How he could let my mother do what she did I will never know. Neither ever mentioned what they did in later life. I never cut my parents off completely but that incident (along with many others) destroyed my relationship with them. After my mother died I visited my father every week but when he was dying, I couldn’t feel anything for him. There was nothing there. He hadn’t been a father to me.
Whether my father took the attitude that it was better never to rock the boat with my mother I don’t know. I have tried endlessly in the past to understand their co dependency, as I tried to understand what was going on in my husband’s head., but I failed completely.
Sometimes the world is a very strange place.
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Thanks, Willow – I, for one, can entirely identify with how an elderly co-dependent parent can remain so fixed (or imprisoned) in a view that supports a position taken (or action) that pretty much no other sane person agrees with.
I found that the more I understood ‘my own’ propensity to be co-dependent the better able I was to understand and have compassion for that parent – often, at some level, they too have been victims (however well hidden) and, yes, sometimes the world is indeed a very strange place
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