Our understanding of what is happening to families when a child rejects a parent outright after separation is growing and as a result we are moving into a phase of work. Following on from our conference earlier in the month on relational trauma in divorce and separation, we are starting to widen our lighthouse beam to find help for families affected by the problem of alienation.

In my work with families over the past ten years, I have been able to observe the ways in which every member of a family where a child rejects a parent outright, is affected by trauma reactions to the crisis which is family separation. Whilst the parent who is pathologically aligned to the child may have unresolved trauma, the rejected parent suffers reactive trauma to the way in which the child withdraws physically from them due to the projection of the split off negative feelings which are generated in the relationship with the influencing parent. The child suffers splitting which is itself a relational trauma.

Surrounding this trauma landscape, which is riven with psychological denial and projection, are circles of splitting in the parental rights lobby groups which fire their split off negative projections at each other in a persistent attempt to place the blame on the other side. Separating parents are drawn to these groups because they are vulnerable and hurting, because they fear their voices are being silenced and because their children are showing frightening behavioural signs of trauma.

We want to help families to heal. We want to help families to move through the traumatic experience of separation to a better place. Whilst so much of our work is about bringing more hands to help children who are already in an alienation reaction, we want to bring healing possibilities to the lives of the parents we know are best placed to help their children.

Rejected parents are bystanders to a drama which unfolds in the crucible of family separation. They are helpless in so many ways but they do not have to be. We know that when we are able to heal the reactive splitting in this group of parents, they are activated to help their children every way they can. We also know that when they are healed and well, that therapeutic parenting becomes more potent in their hands.

With all of that in mind, here is a gift to rejected parents. Given as part of the Lighthouse Project, given as part of a new phase of work which brings together people from around the world who work in trauma responding.

Delivered through The Lighthouse Project, Elyse is looking forward to introducing us to a brain-based therapy that “resets” neural networks and supports the re-integration of the body and the brain.

This seminar is being delivered via the Lighthouse Project. This project, which is part of my voluntary work on this blog, is designed to bring as much help to families affected by relational trauma in divorce and separation as possible, all at low cost. Some services will be delivered via the gift economy where the recipient decides what they will pay for the service.

This seminar will be delivered at a cost chosen by the participant and so you decide how much you pay to join us – your choices are £5, £10, £20, £30 and whichever you choose the seminar is the same. We have decided to deliver this way because we know that many people need this help and because we know that many cannot afford it.

About this seminar

We know that suffering rejection by a loved child is a traumatic life event which cause serious impact for parents. We also know that those parents who can learn how to cope and to survive and thrive are those whose children do best on reunification.

We want to provide the foundational healing opportunities for rejected parents around the world and this is a powerful approach to healing trauma with proven benefits.

Leave this seminar with an understanding of the science behind – and a set of techniques to activate – a natural process to soothe your nervous system and recover from emotional pain:

  • Learn the neuroscience behind how we encode emotional pain
  • Discover the connection between emotion pain and the encoding of trauma
  • Gain clarity about why emotional wounds are so resistant to change
  • Have a direct experience of a drug-and-side-effects-free process that resets emotional circuitry in the brain
  • Practice using this simple and effective tool for both emotional self-regulation and building emotional resilience
  • Learn how others have used this same tool in therapeutic interventions to heal the effects of long-standing trauma


  • This webinar will be held on Zoom.
  • To gain access, you must provide a valid email address along with your name and PayPal order reference number (you will receive this by email from PayPal after you have made payment).

Further healing seminars will follow along with our therapeutic parenting course and information and guidance seminars for all parents everywhere.

All proceeds from the Lighthouse Project are channelled into further development of low cost services meaning that this will become a self funded channel of support for families affected by relational trauma right across the world.

All of my work on this blog is given freely and always has been since I began to write it in 2009. With a vision which is shared by many colleagues, to provide healing and help to families, this will be the direction we will travel from now on.

To join this first healing seminar – book here

With love from the Lighthouse.